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Magical World

Wouldn't it be lovely if, with just a twitch of the nose, life, or any aspect of it could be changed. Instead, positive changes always seem to involve tremendously hard work, determination, and endless setbacks. How lovely it would be to have the powers of Samantha Stephens.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006


I woke up thinking again. I'm still feeing insecure about telling Janie about my SSA. Darrin's concerned that this was a foolhardy move on my part. I've been very careful not to tell people anything personal about myself for a very long time--and this is certainly a personal item which very few people will understand. I think I agree with him, while at the same time, hoping the subject will be well received. In the meantime, the silence is deafening.

I slowly got ready for my day. I relaxed and read. I did some stretches and went for a walk. I came home and got ready for church. The service was really wonderful. I felt peaceful, calm. In between meetings I saw Janie and asked her if her family would like to join us at Six Flags next weekend. She said she thought that would be really fun. She has to leave for another business trip with her husband tomorrow morning, so I said I'd order tickets and get things planned, if she'd let me know how many of her kids wanted to go.

After church I was playing with my 18-month-old nephew in the foyer. I was carrying him, and he wanted to walk, so I set him down. He promptly fell on his behind, and started giggling. My brother (the dad) and I were laughing, as his son tried to regain his balance and fell again. We were absorbed, watching him. I felt someone grab my shoulders and jumped horribly. Because of my past, scaring/surprising me in a physical way usually spawns a rather violent response. I get unreasonably frightened. People who know this about me are usually very careful about how they approach me. I turned, feeling upset. It was David. I was still upset. I hope, someday, I can get over this unhappy side-effect of the abuse. My brother wanted to talk with David, so I gathered Tabitha and Adam (DJ was going home with a friend), and we went home.

Darrin and I made lunch and we had a really nice meal, chatted together, then cleaned up and played games. DJ and I had a special youth meeting that night, so we left again around 6:30. I sat in the back with the other leaders. One of the young ladies posed a question during the meeting that was really funny. We all got the giggles, so we left the room. We went to the kitchen and started serving up refreshments, glad that our disruption happened at the end of the meeting, so we had a good excuse for leaving. We really have great youth leaders--and pretty terrific young people, as well. I let DJ stay and visit with friends for about 30 minutes after the meeting, then we went home.

We put the kids to bed at 8:30. Darrin and I talked for about an hour, then went to bed, as well.


  • At Tuesday, May 23, 2006 9:27:00 PM, Blogger Ward Cleaver said…

    Even with the abuse issues you still face daily....your life seems to be made of only the things that DREAMS are made of.

    I, personally, suggest NOT regretting your decision to tell Janie about yourself. What's done is done. I hope you two will be closer because of this exposure.

    Keep moving!

  • At Tuesday, May 23, 2006 10:48:00 PM, Blogger Samantha said…

    Actually, that's good advice. Regret is never a good idea.

    Sometimes I think my life is a very weird combination of ugliness mixed with beauty--but more beauty, now, than ugliness.

  • At Wednesday, May 24, 2006 5:20:00 AM, Blogger Ward Cleaver said…

    That is a WONDERFUL description of your life. I feel the SAME EXACT way.

    My life, is indeed, a unique, and odd, mixture of ugliness and beauty.

    So, what is it that we allow to bubble up to the surface? What do we allow to float to the top?

  • At Wednesday, May 24, 2006 5:58:00 AM, Blogger Samantha said…

    For me, that depends on the day.


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