Sunday

I woke up thinking again. I'm still feeing insecure about telling Janie about my SSA. Darrin's concerned that this was a foolhardy move on my part. I've been very careful not to tell people anything personal about myself for a very long time--and this is certainly a personal item which very few people will understand. I think I agree with him, while at the same time, hoping the subject will be well received. In the meantime, the silence is deafening.

I slowly got ready for my day. I relaxed and read. I did some stretches and went for a walk. I came home and got ready for church. The service was really wonderful. I felt peaceful, calm. In between meetings I saw Janie and asked her if her family would like to join us at Six Flags next weekend. She said she thought that would be really fun. She has to leave for another business trip with her husband tomorrow morning, so I said I'd order tickets and get things planned, if she'd let me know how many of her kids wanted to go.

After church I was playing with my 18-month-old nephew in the foyer. I was carrying him, and he wanted to walk, so I set him down. He promptly fell on his behind, and started giggling. My brother (the dad) and I were laughing, as his son tried to regain his balance and fell again. We were absorbed, watching him. I felt someone grab my shoulders and jumped horribly. Because of my past, scaring/surprising me in a physical way usually spawns a rather violent response. I get unreasonably frightened. People who know this about me are usually very careful about how they approach me. I turned, feeling upset. It was David. I was still upset. I hope, someday, I can get over this unhappy side-effect of the abuse. My brother wanted to talk with David, so I gathered Tabitha and Adam (DJ was going home with a friend), and we went home.

Darrin and I made lunch and we had a really nice meal, chatted together, then cleaned up and played games. DJ and I had a special youth meeting that night, so we left again around 6:30. I sat in the back with the other leaders. One of the young ladies posed a question during the meeting that was really funny. We all got the giggles, so we left the room. We went to the kitchen and started serving up refreshments, glad that our disruption happened at the end of the meeting, so we had a good excuse for leaving. We really have great youth leaders--and pretty terrific young people, as well. I let DJ stay and visit with friends for about 30 minutes after the meeting, then we went home.

We put the kids to bed at 8:30. Darrin and I talked for about an hour, then went to bed, as well.