I can't do this
Therapist gave me a list of questions to ask people close to me, and I tried it. It's stupid. I hate it. It makes me feel even more vulnerable and afraid, and I just want everyone to go away and I want to be alone. I can't do this. I think it's better if people don't know what others think about them. I don't want to know.
So I guess I'm screwed. I have the guts to look my molester in the eye and make pleasant conversation with him, but I can't ask those I love to love me forever, because I'm terrified they'll say no, or that they never really loved me in the first place, and then they'll run away because I'm messed up and scary.
No atonement for me? That's the least of my worries tonight.