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Magical World

Wouldn't it be lovely if, with just a twitch of the nose, life, or any aspect of it could be changed. Instead, positive changes always seem to involve tremendously hard work, determination, and endless setbacks. How lovely it would be to have the powers of Samantha Stephens.

Monday, May 08, 2006


Today was a day for pondering. I awoke around 5:00, but made myself try to sleep some more. I finally did fall asleep, and woke again around 7:30. I did my morning devotional, pondering yesterday's discussion with my young friend. I didn't run because I'm fasting today--and praying for strength to do what God would have me do in reference to David, for guidance in my own life, for an increase of peace, for comfort...

Fasting in an interesting phenomenon. We do it monthly in our church. Of course, we can also have a special fast at any time, if we feel we need it. For most people going without food for 24-hours is quite a sacrifice. For me, it is a relief. I don't have to spend time deciding if I WILL eat, what I can stomach, how much is enough. But the physical side is only part of the fast. Fasting seems to bring me closer to my Heavenly Father because I focus on him, the blessings he gives me, and the special needs and desires of my heart about which I feel I need help from him.

We went to church at noon. The service was wonderful. I don't know of anything that was SAID that really got to me, but I felt so close to the Lord. I felt such gratitude for Jesus Christ. I felt absolute conviction that God is real, and that he loves me. I felt peace.

After Sacrament Meeting I met Annie in the foyer. She's very excited because her oldest sister is expecting her baby anytime now. Annie said, "Maybe tomorrow!!" I asked her to be sure and tell me when the baby came. I moved to gather Darrin, Jr. and Adam to send them to Sunday School.

After church we went home and made dinner. I had a student come to rehearse at 5:00. We relaxed, played some family games, then Darrin, Darrin, Jr. and I went to a meeting about seminary registration at 7:00. Seminary is the religious education class provided for the youth of our church. It meets in the mornings before school, or sometimes, when arranged with the school district, the students are released during the day to attend seminary. We have a release-time program, but it takes place during a universal study-hall time, and the high school is planning to get rid of the study-hall block. So we may have only morning seminary next fall. I will be teaching one of the seminary classes.

We got home at 8:30, put the kids to bed, and got ready for bed, ourselves around 10:30.


  • At Monday, May 08, 2006 9:28:00 PM, Blogger Ward Cleaver said…

    It sounds like you have things organized in your head and heart. Are you compartmentalizing?

    Unfortunately, this entire post sounds like your trying to convince someone of something.

    Who are you trying convince and why?

    I sense you on shakey ground....proceed with caution.

  • At Tuesday, May 09, 2006 5:48:00 AM, Blogger Samantha said…

    Actually, I think I'm doing alright. I let myself cry yesterday, which, surprisingly, was really helpful. Maybe it's okay to cry sometimes?

    If my post sounds ambivalent it's because I'm dealing with emotions that are strong and unsettling--not something I'm good at. But I'm not burying them. I'm allowing myself to feel sad, to be concerned, to continue to love. I think that's a good thing.

    I've worked hard to get where I am today, emotionally. I will definitely take your advice--I'll be cautious.

  • At Tuesday, May 09, 2006 8:30:00 PM, Blogger Ward Cleaver said…

    I ONLY suggest caution because of your eating disorder.

  • At Tuesday, May 09, 2006 11:30:00 PM, Blogger Samantha said…

    What other reason would there be?


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