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Magical World

Wouldn't it be lovely if, with just a twitch of the nose, life, or any aspect of it could be changed. Instead, positive changes always seem to involve tremendously hard work, determination, and endless setbacks. How lovely it would be to have the powers of Samantha Stephens.

Saturday, May 06, 2006


5:00 came too soon. I did my morning devotional and grumbled out of bed to get ready for my run. When I opened the front door, I discovered an inch of snow and ice on the front lawn and sidewalks--no outdoor run today! I went back inside, answered e-mail and added to my blog. I showered and got ready for the day, because I really didn't want a treadmill run today, then I took the kids to school and went to work.

I worked on a report for a non-profit scholarship organization, but couldn't finish because they didn't provide complete information. I'm hoping it's just an oversight. I've had organizations omit info because they aren't in compliance with non-profit regs. I hate dealing with that. My dad arrived about an hour before I had to leave. I stopped working and helped him prepare a mailing he has to send out soliciting donations for the Boy Scouts organization. We talked while we worked on this--I love working with my dad.

At 11:30 I met Janie for lunch. We met at a local restaurant (small) that makes organic vegetarian food. It is always wonderful--and the produce is amazing. It's the only place I'll order a salad as an entree. Today they had a salad special with tomatoes, fresh mozzarella and basil, and I have to say, they get their tomatoes someplace other than where I'm shopping!! They actually were ripe! I'm experiencing more frequent desires to eat, but no recognizable hunger yet. Janie and I spent 2 hours talking. We discussed Janie's school (she's finishing her master's degree. We talked about her children. As a rule, I'm not drawn to other people's children. When my siblings had babies they used to tell me, "Samantha, this is your niece/nephew. Hold her/him. Bond with her/him." So I'd try, but I didn't enjoy it. I like my nieces and nephews, but I don't feel particularly close to them. So it's very strange that I'm drawn to Janie's children--Darrin has commented about it many times. I told Janie how much I loved her kids, and that I was envious that she had more than twice as many as I did. She admitted that they were pretty special.

I suppose being involved with Janie's family has made me a little paranoid about my own. I've been having one-on-one time with each of my kids, just to make sure they have what they need emotionally, physically. Darrin has been doing the same. Tonight he and Darrin, Jr. went out to dinner, and spent a couple of hours together. My three beautiful children seem so well-adjusted, and that's really saying a lot since I have one teen, one in puberty, and one pre-pubescent--all in all, a pretty hormonal bunch.

Tabitha and Adam had a school activity tonight. Darrin, Jr. left to watch movies at David's house. Darrin and I had some alone time. We talked. We cuddled and kissed...and about that time, Tabitha and Adam arrived home. Sigh.

My oldest sister called me around 10:30. Apparently she was planning to meet us at the family property over Memorial Day weekend. We talked till nearly midnight. I told her, for the first time, about the abuse I had suffered when we were children. She was astounded--she shared a large room with me at the time it happened, and had no idea that our cousin was "visiting" me. She was loving and sympathetic. I'm still always amazed that people actually care. Maybe someday that won't seem so surprising anymore.

Darrin, Jr. got home while I was saying good-by to my sister. We chatted about his night, briefly, and I kissed him and sent him to bed. Darrin was sleeping when I joined him in bed. I snuggled up, kissed him good-night, and fell asleep.


  • At Saturday, May 06, 2006 8:39:00 AM, Blogger Ward Cleaver said…

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  • At Sunday, May 07, 2006 9:10:00 AM, Blogger Samantha said…

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  • At Sunday, May 07, 2006 7:55:00 PM, Blogger Ward Cleaver said…

    This is interesting because I am attracted to males that I THINK are the opposite of myself. I am attracted to what I am NOT.

    Am I searching for my missing pieces in those men?

  • At Sunday, May 07, 2006 9:09:00 PM, Blogger Samantha said… seems that in SSA (male OR female) something didn't grow/mature emotionally, for whatever reason, and we are left lacking, searching, sexualizing in others the aspects of self we wish we had. Too simplistic?

  • At Sunday, May 07, 2006 9:55:00 PM, Blogger Ward Cleaver said…

    Not at all simplistic. I have a theory regarding this:

    Somewhere in our youth we didn't receive something we inherently needed...leaving us with these holes in our our self.

    When we go through puberty.....our sex hormones are released. We are forever changed. We think differently. We feel differently. We go through puberty with these existing holes. While in puberty...and afterwards....we sexualize our needs to fill those holes. We sexualize our "needs" (holes) that aren't sexual at all.
    We emerge from puberty with these holes still in our "self." We emerge sexualizing the need to fill those existing holes. We are stuck.

    If we fill those needs in non-sexual and healthy we still sexualize those needs/desire/wants? Will this cure ssa?

    Inquiring minds want to know!


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