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Magical World

Wouldn't it be lovely if, with just a twitch of the nose, life, or any aspect of it could be changed. Instead, positive changes always seem to involve tremendously hard work, determination, and endless setbacks. How lovely it would be to have the powers of Samantha Stephens.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006


I can't even begin to express how badly I want to go back in time. I think September would be far enough. In September 2005, I was teaching a studio full of promising students and loving every minute of it. My abusive cousin's wife was still alive. Darrin was working at a job that brought in more money than he makes now--although he likes this lower paying job better. I loved eating with friends and family. I had no idea the surreal nature of the reality that was about to unfold in a matter of months. I was blissfully ignorant, absolutely in control of my life and my feelings, really feeling happy and content.

Okay, I'll leave that impossible yearning behind. I woke late, AGAIN, and had to put off my run, which ticks me off. I had to get the kids to school before 8:00, because I was rehearsing with the Junior High band kids for their festival solos. Everyone got where they needed to go (including me) without a hitch. I rehearsed with about 30 students for 3 hours. Then I stopped at the office and registered our family for a 5K run sponsered by the Jr. High. I registered me individually, and Darrin and the kids in the family category, which means they don't have to run it.

I got home at 11:15 and thought about eating. I ate a salad. Then I ate an apple and drank some milk. Then I wanted to puke. I didn't. I went to the computer and surfed blogs.

I didn't go to work. At 3:30 I taught one make-up lesson and put a chicken into the oven. I got ready to run--Tabitha asked if she could come with me. I didn't want her to--this is MY time--but I let her come anyway. It was REALLY windy, which made running difficult. We ran about 2 miles before Tabitha gave out. At that point, the wind blew something into my eye, so we went home.

I cried for about 20 minutes while I finished making dinner, and drank about a gallon of water. I have no idea why I was crying. I think I must be so tired of trying to work through the mess that is now my life. Who knows? We all sat down to eat. I SOOOO did not want to eat. I did anyway.

I played computer games while everyone else watched American Idol. Darrin and I went to bed around 10:00.


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