Tuesday
I can't even begin to express how badly I want to go back in time. I think September would be far enough. In September 2005, I was teaching a studio full of promising students and loving every minute of it. My abusive cousin's wife was still alive. Darrin was working at a job that brought in more money than he makes now--although he likes this lower paying job better. I loved eating with friends and family. I had no idea the surreal nature of the reality that was about to unfold in a matter of months. I was blissfully ignorant, absolutely in control of my life and my feelings, really feeling happy and content.
Okay, I'll leave that impossible yearning behind. I woke late, AGAIN, and had to put off my run, which ticks me off. I had to get the kids to school before 8:00, because I was rehearsing with the Junior High band kids for their festival solos. Everyone got where they needed to go (including me) without a hitch. I rehearsed with about 30 students for 3 hours. Then I stopped at the office and registered our family for a 5K run sponsered by the Jr. High. I registered me individually, and Darrin and the kids in the family category, which means they don't have to run it.
I got home at 11:15 and thought about eating. I ate a salad. Then I ate an apple and drank some milk. Then I wanted to puke. I didn't. I went to the computer and surfed blogs.
I didn't go to work. At 3:30 I taught one make-up lesson and put a chicken into the oven. I got ready to run--Tabitha asked if she could come with me. I didn't want her to--this is MY time--but I let her come anyway. It was REALLY windy, which made running difficult. We ran about 2 miles before Tabitha gave out. At that point, the wind blew something into my eye, so we went home.
I cried for about 20 minutes while I finished making dinner, and drank about a gallon of water. I have no idea why I was crying. I think I must be so tired of trying to work through the mess that is now my life. Who knows? We all sat down to eat. I SOOOO did not want to eat. I did anyway.
I played computer games while everyone else watched American Idol. Darrin and I went to bed around 10:00.
I can't even begin to express how badly I want to go back in time. I think September would be far enough. In September 2005, I was teaching a studio full of promising students and loving every minute of it. My abusive cousin's wife was still alive. Darrin was working at a job that brought in more money than he makes now--although he likes this lower paying job better. I loved eating with friends and family. I had no idea the surreal nature of the reality that was about to unfold in a matter of months. I was blissfully ignorant, absolutely in control of my life and my feelings, really feeling happy and content.
Okay, I'll leave that impossible yearning behind. I woke late, AGAIN, and had to put off my run, which ticks me off. I had to get the kids to school before 8:00, because I was rehearsing with the Junior High band kids for their festival solos. Everyone got where they needed to go (including me) without a hitch. I rehearsed with about 30 students for 3 hours. Then I stopped at the office and registered our family for a 5K run sponsered by the Jr. High. I registered me individually, and Darrin and the kids in the family category, which means they don't have to run it.
I got home at 11:15 and thought about eating. I ate a salad. Then I ate an apple and drank some milk. Then I wanted to puke. I didn't. I went to the computer and surfed blogs.
I didn't go to work. At 3:30 I taught one make-up lesson and put a chicken into the oven. I got ready to run--Tabitha asked if she could come with me. I didn't want her to--this is MY time--but I let her come anyway. It was REALLY windy, which made running difficult. We ran about 2 miles before Tabitha gave out. At that point, the wind blew something into my eye, so we went home.
I cried for about 20 minutes while I finished making dinner, and drank about a gallon of water. I have no idea why I was crying. I think I must be so tired of trying to work through the mess that is now my life. Who knows? We all sat down to eat. I SOOOO did not want to eat. I did anyway.
I played computer games while everyone else watched American Idol. Darrin and I went to bed around 10:00.
posted by Samantha @ 10:24 PM
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