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Magical World

Wouldn't it be lovely if, with just a twitch of the nose, life, or any aspect of it could be changed. Instead, positive changes always seem to involve tremendously hard work, determination, and endless setbacks. How lovely it would be to have the powers of Samantha Stephens.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006


I woke up today, for the first time in months, feeling absolutely whole and like myself again. I feel like my life belongs to me. I think it's because my mother-in-law is gone. No more stress over having her too close to me. She bought me a Rachael Ray cookbook while she was here, insisting that I would love it. I dislike Rachael Ray. She smiles too much. She's WAY too happy. I put the cookbook where it can no longer be seen. I think the second reason is that I've been eating small amounts regularly, and that's good for me, even if I don't like it. I'll keep doing that, and maybe someday I won't dislike it (food) anymore.

I ran sprints on the treadmill this morning--which is really not fun for me, but increases my stamina. Then I took Darrin, Jr. to school. I raced home to take a shower before I had to drive the carpool to their school.

I went to work and finished up some extended tax returns. These always seem to be the most complicated--and have the least adequate record keeping. Around 12:30 I left to go home and eat lunch. While I was thinking about how I needed to eat, a friend called and asked me to go out to lunch with her. I jumped at the chance, knowing I WOULD eat if someone was with me. We had a really lovely lunch, caught up on family news, friends, gossiped was fun, and I DID eat.

I got home at 2:30, and prepared for my teen group lesson. I made cinnamon rolls and got the stuff together that I needed for our Mozart lesson. This is a fun group, but about half of them will leave early today because they have district music festival this afternoon. They all arrived at 3:30 and our lesson ended at 5:00. With the exception of one student, I will not be teaching during the months of June-August (except I will teach some seminars at the university during the summer--music history, private lessons, ensembles--all seminars will take place during the same week, then I'm finished till the last week of August). I REALLY need the break. I might go nuts with all the time on my hands, but that's alright.

I ran to get pizza--the Wednesday meal of choice--so Tabitha could eat before her activity tonight. The boys don't have activities this week, so they were relaxing a bit. I ate a spinach salad and half a slice of pizza. It was enough. Darrin has MORE meetings tonight, so he dropped Tabitha and the carpool girls off at their activity. I borrowed my dad's pick-up and mapped out a running course in an off-road area for tomorrow. Then I went to Walmart and bought some running clothes that are smaller and will fit. I'm not spending money on expensive stuff till I get back to normal and know what my size will be.

I got home around 8:00, sent Tabitha to the shower, and checked on the boys' homework. The kids were in bed by 8:30, and asleep around 9:00. I sent out some e-mail, then got ready for bed, waiting for Darrin. He arrived home around 10:00. We went to bed and I was asleep almost immediately.


  • At Thursday, April 27, 2006 5:22:00 AM, Blogger Ward Cleaver said…

    Again, I am SO encouraged by this recent rash of realism.

    I find myself envious of your normalcy.....of your good health.....of your improvement.

    I feel stuck.

  • At Thursday, April 27, 2006 5:59:00 AM, Blogger Samantha said…

    I love it that you're seeing those things--because I feel ANYTHING but normal right now. I'm clinging to everything stable that I can.

    I think my entries make me sound like I'm doing really well because I can't face talking about anything to do with my emotional side right now. Believe me, that's not a pretty place.

    Someday, I will learn from you and be able to express feelings--even if it's only in my blog.

  • At Thursday, April 27, 2006 7:39:00 PM, Blogger Ward Cleaver said…

    I feel forced to express my TRUE feelings in my blog as that is the ONLY place I can.

    Sometimes, I feel like if I don't let some of this out of me....out of my being.....I might explode.

    My blog is just a place for me to vomit my thoughts and explore discover myself.

    I wish you would write brutally honest about yourself....your feelings.

    Honesty: The Only Way to Heal

  • At Thursday, April 27, 2006 7:45:00 PM, Blogger Ward Cleaver said…

    I sit here living a lie....a farce....and encourage you to be honest.
    Pay no attention to the man behind the green curtain.


    -Being honest in cyberspace under an alias.

    -Not being suitable to teach emotional teach anything....yet I continue my career path into the teaching profession.

  • At Thursday, April 27, 2006 9:01:00 PM, Blogger Samantha said…

    You think too much!! :)

    And, like it or not, ironic or not, I am learning--I just haven't been able to express yet.


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