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Magical World

Wouldn't it be lovely if, with just a twitch of the nose, life, or any aspect of it could be changed. Instead, positive changes always seem to involve tremendously hard work, determination, and endless setbacks. How lovely it would be to have the powers of Samantha Stephens.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Day Two


I awoke as the sun rose--and I think it is obscene to be awake at 5:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning. I got up and did some e-mail I'd been putting off, then went back to bed to pretend to sleep till 6:00. Then I did my morning devotional, got up and ran on the treadmill today. I'm not sure why I didn't go outside--weird. My mother-in-law came in the room when I'd been running about 15 minutes. We said good-morning to each other, then she stayed and watched me run for another 5 minutes. It was a little bizarre. I was glad when she left.

I showered and skimmed blogs for about an hour. Then I made a protein smoothie, and got the kids up. Annie arrived around 9:30. She wanted to make cakes. Darrin, Jr. wanted Molten Lava cakes for his birthday. They're chocolate and have a melted chocolate center. They take quite awhile to prepare, which is why we're working on them today. I wasn't ready to go yet, so Annie and Tabitha pulled out a board game. I came upstairs after painting my toenails with a new color, and painted Annie's and Tabitha's nails, as well. They're very cute girls.

We were making the cakes at my parents' home, so we left Darrin, Jr. and Mary in my kitchen making sauce for tomorrow's lasagne. Mary makes everything from scratch. It tastes incredible, but makes me nuts. I just don't have time to spend 4 hours on pasta sauce. Darrin and Adam went to the store, and dropped us off at my parents' house on the way. We had a wonderful time, the girls ate more chocolate than they should have--and so did my mom. We had the cakes half finished, but the chocolate centers weren't firm enough to work with, so we took a break for lunch. Annie's father wanted to come get her at 1:00. I called and left a message that we wouldn't be finished and that we wanted to go to the store, so we'd drop her by later.

We finished the cakes and left for the store. Annie's older sister is having a baby shower tonight, so I bought a gift for that. Tabitha has a birthday party tonight, so I bought a gift for that. I need clothes that fit, so I bought some of those. Then, since we all have the same size feet (size 3), we all bought matching flip-flops, just for fun. Tabitha and Annie bought black, and I bought blue, so Tabitha can't steal mine when she loses hers. I changed into my new clothes (that fit), and we went to Annie's house.

Tabitha and I left in time to get her to the birthday party, and I fixed taco salad for dinner. Mary had bought me some flowers-- I love flowers, and she knows it. They are beautiful. I'm feeling less stress about her today, because I haven't had to entertain her. We had a wonderful time at dinner, eating and talking. Then I left for the baby shower. It was really fun. I love spending time with David/Annie/Janie's family.

I got home around 9:00. We put the kids and the mother-in-law to bed. Darrin ironed a shirt while I wrote in my blog. Then we went to bed and immediately to sleep. I realized something today--for the first time in many months, I felt completely happy. I don't know if it's because I love spending time with Tabitha and Annie. I don't know if it's because I'm eating regularly again (even though it's not a lot), and my system is getting back to normal. I don't know what triggered that feeling--but it's wonderful.


  • At Sunday, April 23, 2006 8:22:00 AM, Blogger Ward Cleaver said…

    I am SO happy things are working out well for you.

    It IS the eating. It IS your loving family and support system.
    It IS everything working together as it should.

    Continue the path that you have chosen. It's beautiful.

  • At Sunday, April 23, 2006 3:49:00 PM, Blogger Samantha said…

    This has been a rather horrifying journey. Fortunately, I've had supportive people to bring me back from hell. The scariest thing about anorexia is that, after awhile, you prefer the feeling of being hungry to that of being full. It feels powerful, energizing--even though it's really not. It's like an extremely addictive, pervasive drug.

    Thank you for your comments over the past couple of weeks. Your concern, with that of others in my life have kept me from teetering over the brink into that compelling insanity. I have truly needed all the help I could get.

    It's not over, but it's definitely better. And I no longer want to die.

    You're right, life IS beautiful.

  • At Sunday, April 23, 2006 4:24:00 PM, Blogger Ward Cleaver said…

    You're a beautiful person and I would like to know that you are living life abundantly....the way you were meant to live it.

  • At Monday, April 24, 2006 12:29:00 AM, Blogger Samantha said…

    Thank you--I DO appreciate you.


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