Rules of Attraction

I have always been aware that I have one very sensitive Achilles Heel, when it comes to feelings of attraction. I love it when someone smells nice. When I encounter one with this attribute, it makes no difference what the person looks like, gender and political inclination are immaterial, and I lose all common sense and lapse irretrievably into a romantic fantasy of my own making. It's embarrassing--and ridiculous--and completely irresistible. The truth is, if you smell good to me, I'll follow you anywhere... indefinitely....repressing the desire to moan, "Ooooooohhh, you smell so goooood......"

The reverse is also true. If you smell less than beautiful to me, I'll avoid your presence at all cost. And I'm talking about truly smelling awful--not just devoid of attractive scent. For instance, recently, I had the opportunity to share the backseat of a car with my good friend, Sully, who had not only missed his daily shower, but was wearing the same clothes he had worn the day before...it seems he'd spent the night with a friend and missed the opportunity for cleanliness. Normally, I would have been huddled as far away from him as possible, praying that the car trip would end quickly. Fortunately for me (and for him, too, I suppose), Sully is one of those rare people who retains that clean smell for more than 24 hours, even if wearing the same clothes, so I sat by him without discomfort and even hugged him a couple of times. So the aversion only happens with the occurrance of authentic bad smelliness--and I'm unforgiving even of those I truly love.

When I first met Darrin, I was aware of my weakness and had it somewhat under control. He, however, had the most incredibly wonderful smell about him. I've mentioned before that I had no interest in him, and he was feeling somewhat inclined toward a more blonde roommate, however, I will admit that I sat next to him as frequently as possible, inhaling deeply. I blame that first initial attraction for my subsequent marriage and three children.

Any time I've been paired off with a person it has been the responsibility of a delicious smelling soap, perfume, cologne, lotion, shampoo, after shave, or drier sheet. I can't help it. If you smell good, I'm in love--at least for as long as I can be in your presence. Unfortunately, my devotion fades with proximity, leaving me feeling confused and very fickle.

Fortunately for me, I'm selective about what smells good...otherwise my life would be completely out of control. I've also learned that if I smell really nice, I can stay enamoured with myself and ignore the distracting scents of others--a good avoidance tactic, even if it sounds a bit narcissistic.

I've been told that olfactory perception fades with age. However, mine seems to be intensifying with the years. My father-in-law (thank goodness he doesn't wear an attractive scent) assures me that if I start smoking, my sense of smell will dull in the next 35 years. It's an option, I suppose, if I find myself helplessly stalking those around me who smell divine.