The sunrise was beautiful this morning. The nearly full moon glowed above light pink clouds in the west while the sun burned the clouds on the eastern horizon a brilliant orange. I sat in the parking lot of the church and watched the different colors chase each other across the sky, and for the first time since I started teaching seminary this year, I didn't want to go in. I wanted to stay outside, watching the sky. I felt like a hypocrite--teaching beautiful young men and women about a gospel I'm too afraid to live.

Sometimes, selfishly, I feel that the gorgeously colored skies at dusk and dawn belong to me. And the moment before the sky turns night-black, when it's dark blue and still glowing--that moment is mine alone. Those are the times when I'm glad to be alive, when all seems right with the world. Sometimes, when I'm watching, I feel loved. This is God's gift to me, reminding me that He's there, that He thinks of me, that He knows who I am.

I know, that's just silly. A sunrise is nothing more than a natural phenomenon. It certainly isn't my property -- just a pretty trick of atmospheric science...

I remember a time when life seemed to be such a chore--each moment was painful, every second brought sadness. I remember a time when I wondered why I had been given a life, when I wished that I had not accepted one. The beauties of nature sustained me in some odd way. I would walk in the mountains behind my home, wondering at the height of the trees, the smells of the pine, the sounds of birdsong and rustling leaves. I have countless old photos, taken with a very cheap camera--all of sunsets and sunrises I was trying to capture and save for the days when I desperately needed beauty in my life. There have been moments when I have sat in long grass, surrounded by wildflowers and butterflies. These moments have brought me peace.

Perhaps I am an egoist, but I still feel that these moments were given to me by a Heavenly Father who loves me. He knew when I was hurting. I believe it made Him a little sad to see His daughter in need of comfort. And so, He comforted me. With the beauties of His earth, His Spirit soothed my own, and I continued to live.

I know, it's not true. But I choose to believe it anyway.