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Magical World

Wouldn't it be lovely if, with just a twitch of the nose, life, or any aspect of it could be changed. Instead, positive changes always seem to involve tremendously hard work, determination, and endless setbacks. How lovely it would be to have the powers of Samantha Stephens.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

The sunrise was beautiful this morning. The nearly full moon glowed above light pink clouds in the west while the sun burned the clouds on the eastern horizon a brilliant orange. I sat in the parking lot of the church and watched the different colors chase each other across the sky, and for the first time since I started teaching seminary this year, I didn't want to go in. I wanted to stay outside, watching the sky. I felt like a hypocrite--teaching beautiful young men and women about a gospel I'm too afraid to live.

Sometimes, selfishly, I feel that the gorgeously colored skies at dusk and dawn belong to me. And the moment before the sky turns night-black, when it's dark blue and still glowing--that moment is mine alone. Those are the times when I'm glad to be alive, when all seems right with the world. Sometimes, when I'm watching, I feel loved. This is God's gift to me, reminding me that He's there, that He thinks of me, that He knows who I am.

I know, that's just silly. A sunrise is nothing more than a natural phenomenon. It certainly isn't my property -- just a pretty trick of atmospheric science...

I remember a time when life seemed to be such a chore--each moment was painful, every second brought sadness. I remember a time when I wondered why I had been given a life, when I wished that I had not accepted one. The beauties of nature sustained me in some odd way. I would walk in the mountains behind my home, wondering at the height of the trees, the smells of the pine, the sounds of birdsong and rustling leaves. I have countless old photos, taken with a very cheap camera--all of sunsets and sunrises I was trying to capture and save for the days when I desperately needed beauty in my life. There have been moments when I have sat in long grass, surrounded by wildflowers and butterflies. These moments have brought me peace.

Perhaps I am an egoist, but I still feel that these moments were given to me by a Heavenly Father who loves me. He knew when I was hurting. I believe it made Him a little sad to see His daughter in need of comfort. And so, He comforted me. With the beauties of His earth, His Spirit soothed my own, and I continued to live.

I know, it's not true. But I choose to believe it anyway.

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