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Magical World

Wouldn't it be lovely if, with just a twitch of the nose, life, or any aspect of it could be changed. Instead, positive changes always seem to involve tremendously hard work, determination, and endless setbacks. How lovely it would be to have the powers of Samantha Stephens.

Monday, October 23, 2006


I woke up this morning and I didn't feel sad. I don't remember the last time that happened. I didn't feel a horrifying need to run as if my life depended on it. I slept beyond sunrise. Something is happening.

Sacrament meeting was boring. I used the time to wonder about my internal workings. And I also wondered about a new feeling. I'm missing the guys who came to visit last week. I never miss people. I like them. I love to have them visit. I don't miss them when they're gone. Today, I wanted my friends with me, once again. My apologies to the rest of them, but I was especially missing AtP, who makes me laugh, gets my jokes most of the time, and makes me feel a little less like a freak. Oh yeah--and he loves me--at least, that's what he says, and I choose to believe him.

After Sacrament Meeting, I was putting my lesson together for YW, when the Bishop asked me to come talk to him. He thanked me for last Saturday's fireside. He started weeping and said, "I happen to know you're the one who put that together. I can't thank you enough. My eyes were opened, the Spirit touched my heart, and I can't even express the love I felt for the young men who spoke." Then he told me he was grateful to me, for enduring the challenges of my life, for staying close to the Lord and living in such a way that he could, through me, find more understanding of those who have SGA. He asked for details of how I had been able to marry. I told him Darrin was very special. I don't know if there is another person who could live with my past abuse, sins, and temptations. I also mentioned the emotional on/off switch I developed due to the abuse in my life. He grinned at me and asked, "A mixed blessing?" Perhaps, I don't know, but it was helpful as I tried to navigate the intricacies of heterosexual marriage.

He asked me if I'd thought anymore about the Relief Society calling he had extended to me in July. I told him that right now I had to find a way to get my eating disorder under control. That was my sole concern and focus. I talked about the many people the Lord had led me to that had helped me in this regard. I let him know that such a calling was not one I could even think about (and I don't) until my life was healthy again. I left his office feeling a little dazed.

My lesson with the YW was really fun. I love the fact that they have so many questions, and that they think. The topic was health care in the home. We decided to scrap that, and just do a gospel question/answer discussion. It was really wonderful, and the best part was that I wasn't the only one answering the questions. Some of my seminary students actually remembered much of what we talk about in class and fielded some of the questions for me.

When we got home, I was throwing some food together for dinner. I was chopping chives and my thumb got in the way. I chopped it, as well. I knew immediately it would have to be stitched. I wandered around, thinking about it. My kids called my mom and asked her to come drive me to the ER. I chatted one-handed with a friend, till my mom told me we had to leave.

I got some expensive stitches and a tetanus shot, and went home after a couple of hours. No conducting the Messiah orchestra tonight--especially since the practice took place while I was being stitched. David and his brother stopped by to check on me and to see DJ. DJ and David double-dated for Homecoming last night, and got their dates a dozen roses. The girls hadn't had a chance to take the flowers home, so the guys went to deliver them. Darrin went with them.

15 minutes after they left, Tabitha and Adam were wrestling near the stairs. Tabitha was on Adam's back, fell off and down the stairs and broke her arm. Darrin got home as I was trying, one-handed, to put shoes and socks on my daughter so I could go back to my favorite place in all the world. He dressed her and we went to the ER. Tabitha had the same doctor who stitched me. Three hours later we left with Tabitha in a temporary cast (we have to go to a specialist on Friday). A few of the staff recommended that we stay home the rest of the night--no more injuries. They think they're hilarious.

I called my dad while we were at the ER, and asked if he'd teach my seminary class on Monday. He was happy to do so. Darrin and I got Tabitha into bed around 11:30, then we did some clean up, relaxed for an hour or so, and went to bed around 1:00. This is not a day I'd like to repeat anytime soon--if ever.


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