Rules For Attending Conference

In the Conference Center:

1. If you're somewhat large, please don't take half my seat, forcing me to cuddle with AtP (who is very cuddly, I'm sure, but this is neither the time nor the place.
2. No wearing ties with cows appliqued on them.
3. Even if you're husband and wife, you should not do things with your hand on your partner's inner thigh.
4. No picking your nose repeatedly throughout the session.
5. Think before wearing fake nails painted blue with large specks of glitter.
6. If you choose to wear above mentioned nails, don't text throughout the session--not only is it rude, it's ugly.
7. Check your cleavage spectacle before leaning over to make out with your male friend.
9. No wearing skirts with fruit printed on them--especially if you sit partially in my seat, forcing me to take part of AtP's seat.
10. If you bring candy (and it seems that everyone does), keep it in a non-metal container.