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Magical World

Wouldn't it be lovely if, with just a twitch of the nose, life, or any aspect of it could be changed. Instead, positive changes always seem to involve tremendously hard work, determination, and endless setbacks. How lovely it would be to have the powers of Samantha Stephens.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Saturday, March 31, 2007

I wake my sister (sister number 4) up early. Our daughters are swimming in the hotel pool. I tell Sister 4 that I'm gay. I get up and go running. I'm at an elevation 4000 feet lower than that at which I live. I run for a very long time. Tabitha joins me in the workout room. My sister and niece have gone to the conference center with my parents. I'm supposed to pick up AtP and meet my friend/former roommate at her house for lunch after conference. I'm trying to place some support people a little closer to some of the young men I talk to. Support people (men) who can talk, hug, give blessings, etc. as needed. My friend's husband would be perfect. When I get back to my room there's a message for me. It's from Friend's husband. They've had more company come into town and will be spending the day with family--so no lunch meeting with them. Also, he's not sure he can provide what I've asked for my young gay friends. He has sons he doesn't want to expose to "that" and a son preparing for a mission--he doesn't want missionary son to have to deal with "that" either, and he's concerned that his children might be harmed.

I sit on the bed, very angry. I take deep breaths. I resist the impulse to call Friend's husband and tell him I'm as gay as the day is long, and that I lived for two years with his wife. The truth is, Friend's husband is not someone I would allow around my gay friends if he's as ignorant as all that. But I love Friend's husband and am having difficulty dealing with the fact that he's a bigot. I shower, dress and go find AtP.

AtP, Tabitha and I go shopping, then find a place to eat. We drive up to the Bountiful temple which I have never seen up close, then go to AtP's friend's house to watch conference. Tabitha falls asleep on the way, and I lose a contest of "Man or Woman?" to the ever gender-conscious AtP (I swear, if it wasn't for the full beard and mustache, she would have been a woman!). We watch the Saturday afternoon session of conference, which I hate because I'm still angry and because it's about a building, not the gospel.

I take Tabitha back to our hotel to go to meet with my sisters for our Priesthood session festivities, then I take AtP to his apartment where I proceed to shoot my mouth off and mess up his insides a lot. Good thing he ate while I talked. Receiving my counsel on an empty stomach could end up causing dry-heaves. I take AtP to a nearby Stake Center to watch Conference, and I go to meet my mom and sisters at a Denny's for dinner (I hate Denny's).

I meet my mom, three sisters, two young nephews, and five nieces. The nieces have their own table and are giggling loudly. I order something, eat it and promptly get sick. We leave and go to Walmart. I'm entrusted with the nieces and nephews to take them to the bathrooms. I lose them. The moms are mad at me so I go hunting for the nieces and nephews. I check the toy department. No blood-relative children there. Tolkien Boy calls while I'm checking shoes--where I don't find any children, but do find very ugly shoes which I describe to Tolkien Boy. I keep looking. I pass the hardware counter. On the stainless steel surface someone has placed a neon blue rubber duckie. Next to it is a neon pink duckie. Near both of them is a large sledge hammer. I pick up the hammer. I think about the duckies. I put the hammer down and walk away quickly. People should not put rubber duckies near sledge hammers. I find everyone at the checkout lane. The children are with their mothers who are no longer mad at me.

We go to my sister's (sister number 3) house where we chat and put together a puzzle. I'm asked to talk about my meeting with cousin David. I tell about it briefly. My oldest sister has written a letter to David in which she tells him he's the bane of the earth, evil of evils, and she never wants to see him again. I don't want her to send it. Apparently someone told her this. She asks me why I object. I tell her I don't want to allow David to enter into any discussion about the abuse. I don't want to hear his opinions or ideas. She says maybe he'll just want to talk to me and apologize. I think that's fine, but I don't want it to be because he receives a letter from her. She gets emotional. I have mentioned, when I recounted the incident, that I took TB with me. She wonders why I didn't take Darrin. I try to explain. She says it looks weird that I hang out with another, younger guy when I visited David. Then she starts talking about "all those gay guys you spend time with". Sister Three defends my choice to visit David with whomever I please. Sister Four defends my choice to spend time with "all those gay guys". Sister Four and I take our daughters and go back to the hotel. We get there around midnight.


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