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Magical World

Wouldn't it be lovely if, with just a twitch of the nose, life, or any aspect of it could be changed. Instead, positive changes always seem to involve tremendously hard work, determination, and endless setbacks. How lovely it would be to have the powers of Samantha Stephens.

Monday, February 19, 2007


Every once in a while there are really good days.

I love Sundays. Darrin gets up, and I get to sleep in (for a change). I usually don't, because I want to spend time with him, but this morning I was too tired to wake. I slept until 10:00 a.m., because I'd been up until 3:30 a.m. trying to decide if I wanted to sleep or not. I got up and ran, then decided to go back to bed and read. I haven't done that for a long time. My kids came in to kiss me, wish me a good morning, then went off to eat breakfast and relax, themselves.

We all got ready for church around 1:00. I knew we were having a particular high council speaker who makes me nuts (the assigned topic is immaterial to him--he uses the pulpit to preach his own personal agenda), and usually after listening to him, I'm ready to run from the church and throw myself off the nearest cliff (which would actually be about 25 miles away--so quite a long run for me, especially in a dress and heels). With that knowledge in my head, I armed myself with a book to read (thanks TB), and left for church. My kids kept tapping me on the shoulder and quietly pointing to the speaker. One actually suggested that I put the book away and listen. I gave them permission to play tic-tac-toe and draw ugly cartoons, so we were all fairly content throughout the rest of the meeting.

In the foyer I met my wonderful friend. She told me I looked "absolutely beautiful today!!" I returned the compliment. Her husband said he doesn't like it when I talk to his wife. I looked at him and asked why? He said she gets all giggly when we're together. My friend and I looked at each other and started giggling. Then she grabbed me, hugged and kissed me and said, "I LOVE you!!" Then her husband, laughing, gave me a hug (but no kiss, *sigh*) and said the same thing. Probably a funny place for our loud, loving exchange, but still, it gave me a very big smile.

Women and girls are funny. There seem to be no taboos for physical touch, within reason. My young women snuggle with each other (and with me) spontaneously, and sit with arms about each other often. Even the current leaders are very physically demonstrative. It's not unusual to see the girls playing with each other's hair, or caressing an arm or hand. Darrin and I were discussing this one day, and he wondered if it made me uncomfortable. Honestly, I know them all well enough now, that it doesn't. There is a distinct difference between being touched and caressed by someone you love, but are not "in love" with and/or attracted to, and having that same experience with someone for whom there are physical feelings. So far, I've felt no attractions toward anyone at church, so it feels safe and loving--and that's a very good feeling.

We went home, and I whined about not wanting to fix dinner. Everyone pitched in and we made it together. Then we went downstairs and relaxed together. Tabitha is making us watch the collection of church history dvd's that my mom gave us for Christmas (translation: she watches while everyone else sleeps, reads, or plays games). A very wonderful friend called me and we talked long enough that he suggested we might not have anything more to say to each other (silly! like that could ever happen to me!).

Darrin and I talked for about half an hour after we put the kids to bed. Then he had some prep to do for work tomorrow, so I chatted online for awhile and went to bed a little after midnight.

I developed a philosophy when I was in the midst of my summer of abuse, which served me well then, and still seems to serve me today. If you wait long enough, things will change for the better. This could be a fallacy, but has always seemed to work for me. After three bad days, I've had an incredibly peaceful, beautiful one, filled with love and rest. I'm not questioning whether or not I deserve it, because I need it. So...I'll take it and be extremely grateful.


  • At Tuesday, February 20, 2007 4:23:00 PM, Blogger SG said…

    I like your attitude, your realization about yourself and what works for you. We could all learn the lesson you've taught about how to not let things outside our control get to us too much. Thanks!

  • At Wednesday, February 21, 2007 8:38:00 AM, Blogger Elbow said…

    You are beautiful, in so many ways, and on so many levels. Your struggle is a journey that I'm watching before my eyes. You are climbing and reaching new territory that is awsome to me. I hope you see that your progress is phenomenal!


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