Hiding

Last night AtP asked me why I've been hiding the past few days--and I have been. The truth is that I've been recovering from a recital performance, a more busy than usual tax season, and I've been researching (of course) grieving, because if I have to do that, then I want to know everything about it first. I've been drafting information and will soon post about the topic when I have everything figured out as it applies to me. But on top of all that, I've been thinking about a different cousin of mine whom I'll call Kevin. I love him. He's had a very difficult life.

Things to know about Kevin:
1. He grew up in a horribly abusive home.
2. His father once tried to kill him.
3. He spent his growing up years trying to protect and help his numerous younger siblings.
4. He was unhappy and felt lost most of his teen years and early adulthood.
5. He is gay.
6. He served an LDS mission.
7. He married and had two children.
8. He divorced and ultimately left the church.
9. He dived into the gay scene with a vengeance.
10. He became addicted to drugs, partied a lot, had sex a lot.
11. He has AIDS.
12. He wants to die.

I've been weeping about this more than I would like to. How I wish things were different for Kevin.

So--I'm going to say this because I want to and I really don't care at this point, whether or not anyone is offended:

If you read my blog and I'm at all in love with you...
If you read my blog and you're gay...
If you read my blog and you have a lifestyle where it's possible to contract AIDS...

Please promise me that you'll be careful. Please don't give me reason to cry over you. I want to miss you because we haven't talked for a few days, or because I haven't seen you for awhile, not because you're dead.

That's all.