More Musings About Relationships

This has the potential to be offensive. I hope it doesn't prove so. Obviously I've been thinking about relationships. It seems to be an obsession. I'm fascinated by the commonalities I've found in others which I thought were unique to me and based on the betrayal and abuse I've experienced. For instance, after extensive research (i.e. reading personal blogs, talking with others, reading and comparing studies), I've found that these are things many people experience when contemplating, initiating, or participating in a relationship (which would be defined as close friendship, love, courtship, marriage, commitment or any combination thereof):
1. Insecurity.
2. Fear.
3. Anxiety.
4. Self-doubt.
5. Loneliness.
6. Sadness.
Of course, these are felt in varying degrees and durations dependant upon each person's level of self-worth and confidence, and based on their prior experiences with relationships.

My perception has always been that I am flawed because I feel those things. My belief has always been that emotionally healthy people just accept others and build relationships which are without the feelings listed above. Apparently it's normal to feel them. The abnormality happens when they overshadow the positive feelings:
1. Love.
2. Acceptance.
3. Validation.
4. Intimacy.
5. Excitement.
6. Joy.
My experience has been that my negatives have overpowered the positives so that in almost every case I have distanced myself from others. We can have a friendship as long as it's casual. I can listen and empathize as long as I don't have to admit to having personal feelings, myself. In the end, if I feel too afraid of the relationship, I will probably run away. That's a given.

However, in the past year there have been some profound changes in my viewpoints and in the relationships I've fostered. I'm a little amazed by this and want to examine it more closely, so I'll be doing that in the next few posts which is where the offense potential is. If you're my friend and you disagree with my thoughts, feel free to tell me. I've come a long way--I just might stick around and talk about it.