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Magical World

Wouldn't it be lovely if, with just a twitch of the nose, life, or any aspect of it could be changed. Instead, positive changes always seem to involve tremendously hard work, determination, and endless setbacks. How lovely it would be to have the powers of Samantha Stephens.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

More Musings About Relationships

This has the potential to be offensive. I hope it doesn't prove so. Obviously I've been thinking about relationships. It seems to be an obsession. I'm fascinated by the commonalities I've found in others which I thought were unique to me and based on the betrayal and abuse I've experienced. For instance, after extensive research (i.e. reading personal blogs, talking with others, reading and comparing studies), I've found that these are things many people experience when contemplating, initiating, or participating in a relationship (which would be defined as close friendship, love, courtship, marriage, commitment or any combination thereof):
1. Insecurity.
2. Fear.
3. Anxiety.
4. Self-doubt.
5. Loneliness.
6. Sadness.
Of course, these are felt in varying degrees and durations dependant upon each person's level of self-worth and confidence, and based on their prior experiences with relationships.

My perception has always been that I am flawed because I feel those things. My belief has always been that emotionally healthy people just accept others and build relationships which are without the feelings listed above. Apparently it's normal to feel them. The abnormality happens when they overshadow the positive feelings:
1. Love.
2. Acceptance.
3. Validation.
4. Intimacy.
5. Excitement.
6. Joy.
My experience has been that my negatives have overpowered the positives so that in almost every case I have distanced myself from others. We can have a friendship as long as it's casual. I can listen and empathize as long as I don't have to admit to having personal feelings, myself. In the end, if I feel too afraid of the relationship, I will probably run away. That's a given.

However, in the past year there have been some profound changes in my viewpoints and in the relationships I've fostered. I'm a little amazed by this and want to examine it more closely, so I'll be doing that in the next few posts which is where the offense potential is. If you're my friend and you disagree with my thoughts, feel free to tell me. I've come a long way--I just might stick around and talk about it.


  • At Thursday, March 01, 2007 12:47:00 PM, Blogger ambrosia ananas said…

    "I've found that these are things many people experience when contemplating, initiating, or participating in a relationship. . . ."

    [grins] Yup. Somehow, I suffered from a lifelong delusion that when I got married, I wouldn't feel so insecure anymore. Because my husband would always love me in exactly the way I needed, and I would never feel lonely or rejected anymore. Well, big surprise, life isn't like that. And I catch myself being snarky and mean to Bawb occasionally so that I can preempt situations where I would feel rejected because he doesn't have mind reading powers and can't perfectly soothe my every doubt.

    And every occasionally, I decide that my friends must hate me because I'm annoying/offensive/ stupid/silly/etc.

    So, yeah. That insecurity about relationships thing isn't so uncommon.

  • At Thursday, March 01, 2007 5:30:00 PM, Blogger -L- said…

    I'm kind of a hit-and-miss friend sometimes. I do love you, btw.


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