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Magical World

Wouldn't it be lovely if, with just a twitch of the nose, life, or any aspect of it could be changed. Instead, positive changes always seem to involve tremendously hard work, determination, and endless setbacks. How lovely it would be to have the powers of Samantha Stephens.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006


I'm still tired. I realized this morning that the fatigue is as much emotional as physical. I did my devotional and went back to sleep. Darrin woke me around 7:30. He wanted to talk to me. He's concerned that I've not been talking much lately. I told him I don't really have anything to say yet. Things are happening inside me, but I'm not sure what it all means--and I'm too tired to try to figure it out right now.

I took Darrin to church (only one car) at 10:30, then went home, and got everyone going, so we'd be ready to leave in about an hour. We got to church--testimony meeting today. I was so sleepy. I zoned out during the meeting. My bishop grabbed me afterward and wanted to meet with me. Just checking in on all my "stuff". He asked how I was emotionally. I put on my biggest smile and lied. I'm not sure why I did that. Maybe, since I don't know what's going on, the pressure to talk about it with others is too great. He asked about my eating--making sure he doesn't need to intervene. I said I was fine. He started asking about other stuff, but I'd had enough, so I told him I needed to renew my temple recommend. We took care of that instead. One hour later, I met with the youth for our meeting--I was late because of the bishop.

We got home around 3:30. Adam grabbed a snack and went to my parents' house to play with my nephew. Tabitha joined him an hour later. I checked e-mail and thought about writing in my blog.

I fell asleep around 8:00. The kids got home shortly after that. Darrin woke me at 10:00 and we went to bed.


  • At Tuesday, July 04, 2006 11:04:00 AM, Blogger AttemptingthePath said…

    hahaha the first time I told someone about my struggle with ssa was via text messaging--i didn't even tell her what was going on, i told her to go look at the book In Quiet Desperation ONLINE! i was SOOO chicken.

    anyway... i hope you figure out what is going on!

  • At Tuesday, July 04, 2006 11:26:00 AM, Blogger Samantha said…

    I really can't talk--other than a bishop, the only other person I've TOLD about my SSA is my husband. I let David's parents know in an e-mail. Hypocrisy reigns...

  • At Wednesday, July 05, 2006 8:37:00 AM, Blogger Ward Cleaver said…

    We are ALL scared.
    We are ALL scared of SO much.
    Of revealing too much.
    Of revealing too little.
    Thinking, contemplating, and being scared takes a lot of us.
    We're tired
    and withdrawn
    As we think and try to organize
    our thoughts
    our feelings
    our emotions
    This is ALL natural.


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