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Magical World

Wouldn't it be lovely if, with just a twitch of the nose, life, or any aspect of it could be changed. Instead, positive changes always seem to involve tremendously hard work, determination, and endless setbacks. How lovely it would be to have the powers of Samantha Stephens.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

With apologies to -L-

It's Thanksgiving...and I'm grateful. I realize that I spend most of my blogging time whining about the hand that life has dealt me--frustrated that I'm not perfect and that I can't make everything change to fit my desires. But truthfully, I really am thankful for my life. And so, with apologies to The Great -L-, who once dubbed me Queen of the Queerosphere, these are the things for which I give thanks.

1. Jesus Christ: He is my Savior. Daily, He lifts me, strengthens me, and loves me. Daily, I partake of the atonement as I repent of my sins and allow Him to heal my broken heart. Daily, I partake of His ability to understand my pain and sorrow, as well as my joy in the beauty of life. He is my very best friend. I love Him.

2. Aaron: He's making dinner right now, thus lending credence to the supposition that he's really a gay man. He seems to want to be with me forever, in spite of the fact that I'll never "love" him in the world's romantic definition of the word. He's satisified knowing that we are together, that I love him with a depth of love reserved for no one else, and that through our ability to work together we have built something of beauty and reverence with our marriage. He makes me laugh, feel protected and valued, and I know he loves me. I cannot ask for anything, or anyone, more.

3. My children: I have them all to myself for the next three days. They are so amazing. God knew I'd have a little trouble in the "parent of the year" category, so he hand picked three souls who would help me along, and have no need of a "real Mom". They help me remember important things like birthdays, doctor appointments, and mealtimes. They ask very little, tell me about their lives, play with me, and clean their rooms when asked to do so. They give me plenty of hugs and kisses. They fix their own lunches and get themselves off to school in the mornings. They go on dates with me. I adore them.

4. The Gospel: and more specifically, scriptures. I love learning. I love teaching. I love figuring out how each principle has reference to me, in spite of the non-traditional nature of my feelings. I love being certain that I will continue to learn and grow after this life. And I love the feeling that I'll be able to enjoy the companionship of family and friends who have become so important to me. I'm sometimes afraid to become more than I am--but trust that nothing can happen without my consent and desire, because I'm certain above all things that my Father loves me and wants what is best for me. I have learned this through my adherence to gospel principles and expect to continue to do so throughout my unconventional life.

5. You: If I know you in person, if I've met you online, if you visit my blog and have extended care and friendship to me in any way--I'm grateful for you. You've helped me progress and heal. You've shown me that I'm not alone in ways I had never before considered. And when I was ready to attribute all of this to the imaginations of online contact, some of you came to visit with me in person, or through chats and e-mail, showing me that there is authenticity in many different kinds of friendships. My life is enriched by your involvement. I have learned much about love and friendship specifically--and people in general. There is an interesting dynamic involved in allowing others to see one's weaknesses, thoughts, and dreams, and finding forgiveness and acceptance from them in the parts of self viewed as inadequate or deficient. It's a little amazing--and I'm thankful for it.

Okay, that's enough. Everyone knows how I feel about nature--specifically flowers, sunrises, sunsets, snowflakes, rainbows, and blue skies--so I won't drone on about that. But I have a wonderful life, and I am so grateful for all the blessings I enjoy. Sometimes, I'm even thankful for my challenges--it's rare, but it happens. As for you, -L-, I still want to see your list, because I know you have one...maybe, if I have time later, I'll make it for you...you did say I was queen...

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