Skip this one--I'm just venting

There are certain things I cannot endure--especially if you are a straight man.

1. Never assume that because I'm married that I'm straight. Your bigoted beliefs, regardless of whether or not they are vox populi among your equally ignorant and intolerant peers, are reprehensible, inane, vacuous and just plain vile. The anguish you exacerbate among those you revile is inexcusable and if there is justice in this world it will redound to you and your proponents.

2. Never assume that because I'm a woman I am not your equal--scratch that--always assume that because I'm a woman I am your superior. This, of course, does not apply to men en masse, but only to you because you are brainless, dazed, deficient, dense, dim, dotterel, dull, dumb, foolish, half-witted, idiotic, imbecilic, inane, indiscreet, insensate, irrelevant, irresponsible, laughable, ludicrous, mindless, moronic, naive, obtuse, puerile, short-sighted, stolid, thickheaded, unintelligent, unthinking, witless (no, I don't expect you to notice that I alphabetized those--that would be asking way too much). For once in your life, notice that I can do more than try to look pretty (which I think I do rather well most days, even without your supererogatory, extrinsic, opprobrious encouragement. And if you make one more comment about me doing enough by just being beautiful I will vomit on your shoes). Don't ever do my job for me again, don't ever speak to me in those condescending tones again, don't ever make personal comments about my physique again.

3. Just so you know where you stand--your grammar is reprehensible, you misuse words (I don't even think you know what most of them mean), your off-color jokes are inappropriate and heteroclite (not to mention operose and seriously not funny), your hair is not a big deal and neither are you. I can't help but wonder if you're trying to compensate for inadequacy in another area...

Ick. After spending two hours with you, I really need a shower.